


draining blood from stones

by cougarlips



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: (kinda not really but w/e), Angst, Blood, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Kingdom Hearts III Spoilers, M/M, Serious Injuries, but also axel and saix are such an interested dynamic, not explicitly akusai but it is if u squint, this is me being emo and coping through fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:54:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21668536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cougarlips/pseuds/cougarlips
Summary: Why did they wake up with new faces and new names and told, all of a sudden, that they no longer had lives of their own? Why didn’t it bother them that they couldn’t feel any pain or anger or frustration anymore?
Relationships: Axel/Saïx (Kingdom Hearts)
Kudos: 2





	draining blood from stones

**Author's Note:**

> _Trying to find some heart from you_  
>  _is like draining blood from stones._  
> 
> 
> -winter, by pvris 

It started because Isa always had been the more cordial of the two. He was the one people liked more. He was the one people trusted and placed their confidence in. He had an aura of calm, cool collectedness and it only made sense that Saix inherited those traits.

It started because they needed information, and Saix was obviously the one most cut out for the job. They had to know what happened to her, to them, to their world. Why did they have to be punished so harshly and severely for being curious? Why did they have to watch each other be mutilated and killed? Why did they wake up with new faces and new names and told, all of a sudden, that they no longer had lives of their own? Why didn’t it bother them that they couldn’t feel any pain or anger or frustration anymore?

It started when Saix realized he could use his talents to close in on Xemnas, but he had to make his way up the ranks in order to do so. He wasn’t one of Xemnas’s scientists or bodyguards -- he was just one of the kids who found him out. He had to show Xemnas he could be just as valuable as those who were part of the original experiments.

Axel knew he would never be a confidant. He could never hold his tongue long enough to be a listening ear, nor could he hold back long enough to think things through. It was what always made he and Isa work well together: Isa would scheme, and Lea would act. It’s what worked; it’s what always worked.

Saix was the one who brought it up first. Axel would lure the five apprentices away from the castle, away from Xemnas, out of the reach of prying eyes and ears. He would keep them distracted and keep them away from portals to reach the Castle that Never Was. He would allow Saix the opportunity to close in on Xemnas and get the information they were denied.

It continued when Axel found himself in Castle Oblivion, now sparring with a boy called Sora who looked and fought so very much like Roxas it was disorienting. Axel found himself… _feeling_ , for the first time in years.

It continued when he returned from Castle Oblivion to find Roxas and Xion thick as thieves and he couldn’t help but cherish their childlike innocence, but in the evening he found himself unable to sleep, unable to think of anything else other than how he never felt more than he did when his hands were stained with someone else’s blood.

He and Saix continued to meet in secret, but they met less and less as the years passed by. He wished he felt anything more than anger when he passed by his best friend -- anger that it was _his_ plan that plagued him with so much death. Anger that it was his _own_ heart that betrayed him by enjoying the warmth of the fire that spread so much damage. Anger that he felt no remorse for the lives he took from his own comrades. 

It ended when Roxas left their ranks, and suddenly Axel had so much rage built inside of him that he couldn’t stop from attacking the boy, fighting the person who made him feel whole again, attacking out of anger and fury and desperation because this was just one more person who was leaving him. 

Roxas beat him, and Axel returned to the Castle that Never Was with blood oozing from a busted lip and a reddened gash along his cheekbone that looked worse as the day went by.

Saix passed him in the hallway, a clipboard in hand. 

“How did it go?” his old friend asked, his amber eyes bored as they scanned Axel’s injuries, his expression blank as Axel limped on.

“All taken care of,” Axel lied, his body aching, his blood boiling, his heart breaking.

**Author's Note:**

> winter is the most akusai song to exist imho and honestly i'm disappointed in myself for never realizing it sooner
> 
> fic is inspired by [this fanart by toherrys](https://toherrys.tumblr.com/post/181018091765) on tumblr!


End file.
